


I Can’t Wait

by orphan_account



Category: Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF
Genre: Boys In Love, Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:47:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22154275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I was rewatching some interviews with them, and the phrasing of something hit me, and I decided to write something about it.
Relationships: Michael Che & Colin Jost, Michael Che/Colin Jost
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	I Can’t Wait

Michael sat in the green room, lost in thought. He snapped out of it when he heard the door open.

“Hey man, you okay?” Colin asked, handing him his coffee and looking at him concerned. Michael offered him a small smile and nodded, sipping his coffee.

“Yeah, just thinking.” Colin looked at him, eyes searching, then nodded, sitting down opposite of him.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asked, putting his coffee down on the table between them.

“Shoulda known you wouldn’t let it go.” Colin smiled softly, and raised his eyebrow. “Nah, it’s probably better for it to stay in my head. But thanks anyway man.”

Colin nodded, knowing better than to push it when Michael got like this, all quiet and thoughtful. He picked up his phone and started scrolling through the news, trying to make notes on the articles he thought would make funny jokes.

His phone buzzed, a notification popping up from the top of the screen. He clicked it, bringing him to his messages with Scarlett. 

“Pick up dinner?”

Colin grimaced, imagining the conversation he’d been planning on having with her for a while.

“Hey Colin?” He glanced up, surprised Michael was talking so soon. Usually when this happened, he wouldn’t talk unless asked a question that only he could answer.

“Yeah?”

Michael seemed to be considering something. “You okay?”

Colin nodded. “Yeah, just a little bummed, nothing I can’t handle.”

“Why are you bummed?”

Colin looked at Michael, deciding whether or not he should tell him. Finally he sighed. “I wanna break up with Scarlett, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.” He glanced up, expecting Michael to laugh, or start quoting some speech from a movie in an overdramatic voice. 

But instead he simply said, “Colin, if you don’t love her, and don’t think you can, and are still going out with her, all you’re doing is playing her. That’s meaner than any breakup.”

Colin blinked a couple times, surprised at the sincerity in Michael’s voice, and nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.” He sighed, sinking down in the chair. “I still feel bad though.”

Michael didn’t answer, going back to his phone. Colin sighed again, and played on his phone. Soon they were called out on stage.

They greeted Jimmy and sat down. The interview was going well, and soon they were laughing, talking about Michael’s odd movie choices, and began a game of “Who’s More Likely To”.

“Who’s more likely to lost their phone?” Jimmy asked.

After the pair had settled on Colin, Jimmy said, “You lose your phone?”

“I lo- we went to get iPhones together it was really cute, yeah yeah, yeah we do everything together-“

“You should make a movie about that.” Jimmy interjected, making the pair smile.

“Then they finally kissed.” Higgens said. At denial from Jimmy and Michael (Colin was too busy laughing) he added “Like Pretty Women!”

“I ain’t waiting on Jost.” Michael said, getting a laugh from Jimmy an the audience, but only a small chuckle from Colin.

The interview continued, and eventually was over. The men headed toward their apartments, which happened to be the same direction. They were silent as they walked, Colin debating what food was breakup appropriate, and Michael thinking about who knows what.

Suddenly Michael stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. Colin walked a step or two before realizing that he had stopped, and stopped as well, turning around.

Michael was staring at Colin, looking hopeless and lost.

“Michael, what’s wrong?” Colin asked, deeply concerned for his friend. In their 10 years of friendship, he’d never seen his friend look like this, and fear started to step in. He took two steps forward, now standing directly in front of Michael. “Michael?”

Michael looked down at him, and a sob left his body and suddenly Colin had his arms full of 6’2’’ crying Michael. He managed to move them to the side of the sidewalk and just rubbed his back and made comforting sounds. Michael eventually calmed down, but refused to let go of Colin.

“Michael? You have to tell me what’s going on.” Michael nodded against the crook of Colin’s neck.

“I can’t do it Colin. I’m sorry, I can’t do it.”

“Do what? Michael, I don’t know what’s going on.”

Michael tightened his hold on Colin. “I can’t wait, Colin. I’ve waited and waited and I can’t do it anymore.”

“Waited for what?”

Michael mumbled something that Colin couldn’t hear. “Michael, I can’t help if I don’t know.”

Michael moved so he could look Colin in the eyes, maintaining contact as he did so. “For you to love me.”

Colin stared at him trying to process what he had just said. Michael took the silence as rejection and turned to leave, but Colin’s arms were still tight around his waist, where they had moved down as Michael straightened.

Colin’s eyes flicked around, across Michael, the sidewalk, the people walking past. He searched his brain trying to find the words to convey what he was thinking, feeling.

Michael shook his head and moved back, removing Colin’s arms from his waist. “I waited, Colin. I can’t wait anymore. See you tomorrow.” With a sad smile, Michael turned and walked toward his neighborhood, leaving Colin to figure out what the hell had just happened.

Colin approached his apartment, where he and Scarlett had agreed to meet, takeout in hand. He had gone over the speech over and over in his head, using it to distract himself from Michael. He walked up the stairs and unlocked the door to his apartment, dropping his keys and the food on the table.

“Hey babe!” Scarlett said, smiling at him and moving to kiss him.

“Hey.” Colin replied, kissing her on the cheek, and motioning towards the food. “I got Chinese, and ice cream for after, sound good?”

Scarlett grinned. “Perfect.”

Colin offered her a small smile, then gestured toward the table. “Shall we?”

They ate in comfortable silence, aside from the occasional small talk. They both finished eating, laughing at their fortune cookies, and Colin thought maybe, just maybe, he might stay. He loved, no not loved, needed to have somebody with him, to share dinner with, watch TV, cuddle in bed. He hated being constantly alone.

“You good?” Colin startled, as Scarlett wrapped her hand around his, looking concerned.

“Yeah, just...lost in thought, I guess.” 

She nodded and grabbed the ice cream out of the freezer, and held it up. “Bowls or carton?”

Colin smiled softly. “Carton. Definitely the carton.”

Later, as they were sitting on the couch, talking about their days, Colin realized that he hadn’t paid attention to anything she had been saying. And not because he was tired, just because he didn’t care enough to listen.

He sighed, and grabbed Scarlett’s hands, making her pause in her story. “Scarlett, I have something I need to tell you.” She nodded, and Colin took that as a sign to continue. “I’ve been thinking, and I think that we need to break up.” Scarlett opened her mouth but Colin shook his head, holding her hands tighter. “Just let me explain, please. I think that we could work, maybe with a lot of effort, but I don’t think we should. We are too close to being the same person, and yet we’re so different. Your life, I could never be happy living it, or even as a shadow. I don’t want all the glamor, and paparazzi following me everywhere. I want to be able to go out to lunch with friends without tabloids calling it an affair. You are so great, and funny, and smart, but, I just—I just can’t keep living like this and pretend to be happy. You deserve more than what I can offer you.” Colin leaned back, releasing her hands as she stared at him, shocked.

They sat in silence for a little bit, this one filled with tension. Eventually Scarlett boded, and got up, moving toward the door. As she opened it, she looked back at him. “Just promise me one thing Colin.” He raised his eyebrow. “Never stop being you.” He nodded. Satisfied, she offered him a sad smile before slipping out the door.

Colin drew in a deep breath, looking around his apartment. There were still Chinese takeout containers on the table, ice cream and two spoons on the coffee table. The TV was on mute, playing The Office, and a glass of water sat next to a beer on the kitchen counter. Colin sighed, knowing he made the right choice, but not happy he was going to be alone again.

Now, with nothing to distract him, his mind wondered, settling on Michael. He flopped down on his couch, remembering the sadness in his eyes when Colin didn’t answer him.

It’s not that Colin didn’t want to answer him. Quite the opposite in fact. It was the fact that Colin wasn’t sure Michael knew what he was getting into. That coupled with the fact that he did not want to cheat on Scarlett and there definitely would’ve been kissing involved. Still, he couldn’t bear to think of the look on Michael’s face anymore.

He picked up his phone, and opened Contacts, searching for Michael’s name. He pressed call, and put the phone against his ear, listening to it ring, knowing that on the other end it was playing Colin’s favorite song, or at least his favorite oye of the ones Michael allowed to be played on his phone, which were two very different songs.

“Colin?” Michael answered in the third ring, sounding annoyed, sad, and a little worried. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m fine, I just need to talk to you.”

“Colin, if this is about earlier, it’s fine, I get you don’t like me like that. Just, let it go, pretend it never happened.”

“No, it’s...look can we just meet up somewhere, please?”

Colin could hear Michael moving around in the side of the line, then let out a sigh. “Sure, where you wanna meet?”

“Ummm, I’ll pick you up in ten minutes. I wanna show you something.”

Michael sighed again, and Colin could practically hear his eyes roll. “Fine. 10 minutes.”

“See ya, Michael.”

“Yeah.” They hung up stop the same time, an agreement they had made after they had learned that neither of them liked to hand up first. Both men waited five seconds, then pressed the red button.

Colin headed over to Michael’s place, which was luckily close. He wanted to walk, to feel the freedom that the big city allowed him, but he also didn’t want to be late.

Nine minutes and 43 seconds later Colin knocked on Michael’s door, the Frozen knock, a habit he had picked up doing it to annoy Michael. Now it just served as a show to tell who was at the door more than anything else.

Michael answered and they headed out, walking together in silence, a comfortable silence that surprised Colin, who’d assumed that it would have been tense.

They got close to the place Colin was taking them, and he stopped, causing Michael to look back at him. “What?” he asked walking back to Colin.

Colin smiled. “Close your eyes.”

Michael rolled his eyes, but obeyed. Colin smiled at the act of pure trust. “Colin, what’s going on, where are we going?”

“Shhh, it’s a surprise.” Colin smiled, allowing his eyes to skim over Michael now that he couldn’t seem him.

“Colin, if I get ran over—“

Colin cut him off with a laugh. “Michael I promise not to throw you into traffic.” Colin took Michael’s arm, or rather his sweatshirt, and began to guide Michael.

They approached the destination shortly, and Colin let go of Michael’s arm and stepped away to admire the beauty in front of him, before turning and looking at the view. He turned back around and whispered, “Open your eyes, Michael Che.”

He heard a sharp intake of breath as Michael took in his surroundings. Colin had brought him to the bank of the Hudson River. It was an area that still had a few trees, which were draped in fairy lights. They formed a semi-circle around a clearing, which had a picnic bench. Colin moves behind one of the trees and picked up a waterproof backpack he had stowed a while ago, that had a blanket, as well as some M&Ms. He placed the bag on the picnic bench, not opening it yet.

The better view however, was the water. Manhattan was reflected in its bright glory, across the water, and Brooklyn on the other side. The fairy lights reflected on the water as well, giving the whole area a warm glow.

Michael looked over at Colin, who was pulling the next surprise out of the bag he had brought with him; a sketchbook and drawing pencils. He knew Michael had drawn, been really good at it, in high school, but had dropped it because he was too busy. He lamented about it sometimes, when they were drinking together in the privacy of one of their homes.

“Colin?” Michael said, voice cracking. “What’s going on? Am I dead?” Colin would have laughed, if the expression on Michael’s face had been anything but worried.

“No, no Michael, you’re fine. You alive, and as far as I know, healthy.”

Michael still looked worried. “Are you healthy?”

Colin smiled sadly. “Yeah, yeah, everyone is fine and healthy Michael.”

“Then what’s going on?”

Colin sighed, laying down in the ground, looking up at the tops of the trees, and the night sky. “Come here.” he said, patting beside him.

Michael did, laying beside him, looking up at the sky like it held all the answers.

“Michael Che, I’m sorry.”

Michael looked over at him. “For what?”

Colin rolled over on his side, Michael doing the same. Colin couldn’t help but reach out and touch Michael’s face, his heart melting whenever Michael leaned into the touch. “I made you wait. I just, I thought that you were...I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. And I thought I was happy, that I could be okay, but then tonight happened, and I just—I can’t live my life without you.

Michael smiled and turned back to the sky, feeling around for Colin’s hand and squeezing it. “Colin, I wake up everyday happy. Not because I have a nice place, or love my job, although I do, because I get to see you. Seeing you makes me happy, it makes me feel...alive. I spent so much of my life in the Projects, living day to day. I love my family, but we just didn’t have enough money to be a fully functioning group. I did stand-up, and I loved that job, loved making other people forget their pain, but I still wasn’t happy. Then I met you, and I was happy. Genuinely happy. I mean, sure, I still had my problems, but you made me feel like I could overcome them. And one by one I did.”

Michael turned his head to look at Colin, who had tears slowly dripping down his face. “Colin, you make me wanna live. You give me hope, that I can make a difference. I love you so much.” He looked back at the sky. “And I thought that maybe I could live without you...like that. That I didn’t need to be anything more than friends. But, I dunno, something in me just broke tonight. But you were here to fix it, to put me back together. I owe so much to you. But I need to ask you one more thing.”

Colin looked at him, waiting. “Anything, Michael. I will give you anything.”

Michael smiled and rolled back on his side. “Don’t leave me. Please. No matter what, even if this doesn’t work out. I need you.” Michael’s voice broke, the strength he had summoned to pull out all his emotions gone. But Colin was there, and he would always help Michael.

For the second time that day, Colin hugged Michael as he began to sob. They laid on the ground, Michael laying with his head in the crook of Colin’s neck. This time, Colin knew exactly what to say.

“I love you Michael Che. I will never leave you.” He repeated this over and over, rubbing Michael’s back, pressing kisses to the side of Michael’s face.

Eventually, Michael had stopped crying, and was just lying on top of Colin, head still in the crook of his neck. Colin didn’t mind, and let him lay there, absently drawing patterns on his back. Michael moved, shifting so that he was lying next to Colin with his head on his chest.

The pair looked up at the sky silently. Michael began to hum a tune that Colin didn’t recognize, playing with his hair.

“Colin?” Michael said to the sky, breaking the silence. They’d been outside for a couple hours.

“Yeah, whats up?”

Michael looked over at Colin, affection showing in his eyes. “Can we go home?”

Colin smiled, “Of course.”

The two got up and folded the blanket up, putting it back into the backpack, and grabbing Michael’s sketch book and pencils, they left, heading toward their new future, holding hands and wearing matching smiles.


End file.
